Women, Have You Considered Plucking Out Your Computer Games?

I hope I didn’t look as foolish as I felt.

I was talking with a group of women after church, and one of them said something that left me dumbfounded.

Earlier in the week, one of us found a simple freeware computer game and emailed it to the group. The game proved to be addictive—we were all spending more time than we could afford playing it. We commiserated about our lack of self-control, but none of us seemed to be taking the conversation seriously until one woman said, “I was convicted about wasting time with the game, so I deleted it.”

That simple statement hit me like a frying pan to the back of my head. The idea of deleting the game had never occurred to me. I knew that the game itself was neither good nor evil. I knew that to play a game in my free time was a liberty I possessed. I also knew I was abusing that liberty over and over by playing when I should have been working. But I wasn’t taking my sin (of neglecting my duties at home) seriously enough to do what it would take to stop sinning.

Jesus taught about this idea in Matthew 5:29-30.

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (ESV)

Jesus has ordered us to part with anything that causes us to sin, even something as valuable as my right eye or your right hand. He commands us to take every sin seriously. And that includes the sin of wasting time to the neglect of our duties as church members, wives and/or mothers.

According to the Entertainment Software Association, “Forty percent of all players [of computer games] are women and women over 18 years of age are one of the industry's fastest growing demographics. Today, adult women represent a greater portion of the game-playing population (33 percent) than boys age 17 or younger (20 percent).” [1]

And according to a study commissioned by Pop Cap Games, “Contrary to prevailing stereotypes, the average social [i.e. Facebook] gamer is a 43-year old woman. . . . 38% of female social gamers say they play social games several times a day.” [2] It’s not necessarily wrong that women are spending some free time this way, but it is certainly an area of life that believing women need to monitor and control.

Let me be clear. All entertainment (including computer gaming) is not a waste of time. But when an entertainment causes me to neglect caring for my family, serving my church, Bible-reading or prayer, I need to take it seriously. I do not have the option of half-heartedly bemoaning my lack of self-control as I continue playing Angry Birds on my cell phone. The situation calls for radical change. Real repentance means not just to recognize and be sorry for my sin, but to actually turn away from it.

So does that mean that we should all delete every video game, burn our Wiis and boycott Facebook? Probably not. But what it does mean is that as redeemed women, we should be careful to think about our entertainments soberly, so that we are willing to give up whatever we need to in order to lead holy lives. Those things we may be called to “pluck out” or “cut off” will be different for each of us. For one woman, it might mean putting the gaming system in the closet for a few weeks. For someone else, it might mean unplugging the computer during the day or deleting a Facebook account until the habit of wasting time with it is broken.

For me, it meant going home to delete a computer game.

Copyright © 2012 Susan Verstraete.     

Bringing Finger Foods to Share

When I hear the phrase, "Everyone bring finger foods to share," it always makes me groan a little inside.

Granted, I've been around the block a few times and have brought any number of offerings to a great number of events. But I'm not one of those homemakers that finds it easy to make something pleasing that won't break the budget. And I've experienced my fair share of failures - cupcakes that were dropped on the way into the meeting, brownies that were so gooey we had to eat them with a spoon and a tortilla and cream cheese pinwheel that reportedly tasted like crayons.

Pictured here are my go-to items, that never seem to fail to please: apples with peanut butter dip and pretzels with Nutella dip.

Here's the easy recipe: Mix 1/3 cup of peanut butter or Nutella with 3 cups of powdered sugar and 1/3 cup of milk and one teaspoon of vanilla. That's it! I sliced three apples about 1/4 inch thick for the plate above (dipping the apples in lemon-lime soda will help keep them from turning brown)and used about half of a bag of pretzels for the other plate.

Here's how I transported them, and I highly recommend this idea. I dropped the apples upside down on the kitchen floor just before taking this photo, but because everything was enclosed in the plastic bag it was no big deal. Phew. I'm off to celebrate a book group birthday. We're all bringing finger foods!

Copyright © 2012 Susan Verstraete.     

The Good Result of a Bad Word: The Value of Fellowship Between Women

Adapted from a talk at the Faith Community Church Women's Fall Fellowship luncheon.

My first experience of Christian fellowship with women occurred shortly after my conversion. As a new mother just beginning to look at life from a biblical perspective, I was intimidated by the other young mothers at church. They were all well ahead of me spiritually, integrating God’s wisdom into every nook and cranny of their lives. I tried hard to fly under the radar while hanging around the edges of our Bible study. I was simultaneously drawn toward these godly women and a little afraid of them. They were just so good—I felt they were nothing like me. Then one day, while I was working on a project with one of the other young mothers, she said a word not to be repeated in polite society. It was a bad one.

I was never more grateful in my life.

Please understand that I am not excusing or condoning this sin. But the good result of that bad word was that her slip-up opened to me the possibility that I might be more like the other women in the church than I thought. I gradually started being a little more open with them. The resulting fellowship has been and is an important part of my spiritual growth and a consistent source of joy.

The Apostle Paul knew that fellowship between women is important.

In the book of Philippians, Paul deals with different issues that might cause problems in the church—false teaching, personal pride, selfishness, persecution, and the church’s discouragement over hearing of Paul’s arrest. He writes to the church from prison, about 11 years after Acts 16, when he first met Lydia and the other women by the river.

News came to him that two women in the church were quarreling. Paul wrote, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord.” And then he described them, “these women who have labored side by side with me in the Gospel.”

How would you like to be described by your elders? I’d be honored to be like Euodia and Syntyche—identified as a woman who labored side by side with them in the Gospel. These fallible, fussy women were considered by Paul to be co-laborers in the gospel. By extension, we can say that you and I (and my friend who said the bad word) can also be co-laborers in the gospel.

Ladies, we are not God’s “B Team.” We have a distinct role, different from that of the men. But we can be co-laborers in the gospel.

I think that the argument between Euodia and Syntyche was an issue of opinion and not of doctrine. I’m convinced that Paul would have given correction if this was a doctrinal issue, as he often does in the epistles. Instead he appoints a mediator. And it’s important to note that the personal rift between these two women was painful enough to the church that they told Paul about it, and Paul, in turn, took it seriously. Fellowship between women is important. If it’s broken, it needs to be fixed.

You and I may not be arguing with anyone in the church just now, but the kind of fellowship that Paul wants us to have as a church, and by extension, as sisters in Christ, is much deeper than just not arguing. Listen to Paul’s instruction: Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil. 2:2-4

Think about the women in your church or small group and ask yourself:

• Could we be described as being of one mind?
• Do I love these women?
• Do I feel somehow in competition with them?
• Do I think of these women as more significant than I am?
• What have I done to look out for the interests of these women?

In order to share one mind and to love in the manner Paul describes, we have to know each other. In order to demonstrate that we count others more significant than ourselves, we must learn to bend our opinion of how things should be done when there is conflict. In order to demonstrate that we are looking out for other’s interests, we have to sacrificially serve each other.

Here’s the picture Paul gives of a healthy church—and a healthy women’s ministry. It is my prayer for the women of your church and mine. In Philippians 1:27 he urges the church to continue “standing firm in one spirit with one mind striving side by side for the sake of the Gospel.” Do you see the picture Paul is painting? He sees us all as working for the same goal, side by side. As we work together, we come to know and love each other. Our differences fall aside when we labor together in the work of the Gospel, with one mind focused on Christ.

I think it’s important to note here that working for the Gospel is not the Gospel. The Gospel is the good news that Christ paid the price for our sins on the cross. Believing the Gospel—completely trusting that this sacrifice for sin was enough and that it applied to my own (and your own) sin—is the means by which God saves us for a life of service. In Philippians 3, Paul calls it “the righteousness from God that depends on faith.” Please don’t get the cart before the horse. Our life of service and fellowship comes after the new birth.

If you have experienced this new birth, will you join the women at your church who are focused on Christ, fellowshipping as they do the works commanded by the gospel?

Copyright © 2012 Susan Verstraete.     

Why Women Don’t Talk About the Bible, and What You Can Do About It

I sat in the kitchen with the other women, but I didn’t want to be there.

The teaching session of our home fellowship group had just ended, and we each took a plate of snacks and found a place to sit. The children disappeared outside, the men went into the living room to talk about the Bible lesson, and once again the women stayed in the kitchen discussing the ever-present four Hs of evangelical womanhood: housekeeping, homeschooling, handicrafts and husbands. All great topics, you understand, but I longed for something more.

As I sat straining to overhear the conversation in the other room, I had no idea that the woman next to me was doing the same thing. Both of us went home that night feeling unfulfilled. The topic we wanted most to discuss was just outside our reach and we were once again left wondering why women never seem to talk about the Bible.

Over the years I’ve thought about this issue over and over. Just last week in separate conversations, a young mother and a 77 year old great-grandmother each complained to me about the shallowness of women's conversations in their respective churches. Neither woman had female friends to talk to about what she was learning in Scripture.

While this is a huge issue that I can’t hope to cover in one short article, I will offer a few thoughts to get the conversation started.

Women don’t talk about the Bible because no one starts the conversation.
Remember my example of the fellowship group women? Some of us were dying to talk about what we were studying in the Bible and about questions of how to apply what we were learning to our lives, but no one took the initiative to begin the conversation. It was easier to rehash the same superficial subjects. When I finally opened my Bible and asked a friend about a difficult passage I was studying, I found nearly all the women in our group were eager to talk about it.

This may require a little humility, as admitting that you don’t know everything and asking others can be frightening, but it may also be a non-threatening way to help you find a kindred spirit.

Women don’t talk about the Bible because we are largely untrained.
Titus 2 says that older women should be teachers of what is good. It doesn’t say what happens if no one has ever trained the older women. There’s no easy answer for this one. If you, like me, spent your young adulthood without a Christian woman to mentor you, it will be more difficult to teach a younger woman to talk about and to apply biblical principles to her life and thought. Do it anyway.

All you really need to do is to love God, and love the woman you are mentoring. Everything else will come naturally. Cultivate a relationship specifically for talking about the things that matter most.

Women don’t talk about the Bible together because they have abandoned the women’s ministry of the local church.
As I talk to evangelical women and read their blogs, I hear over and over that they have abandoned these events because they consider them superficial. If this is you, let me ask you two questions.

1. Are you sure that the events are superficial?
   The speaker at a women’s tea may be (as was the case at my church) someone special—in this case a missionary leaving to return to primitive and dangerous conditions in a hostile country. The women at my table helped me hash out what was meant by the terms “the old man” and “the new man” between bites of tiny sandwiches and sips of herbal tea. Just because the event sounds frilly doesn’t mean there is no depth in the fellowship or the teaching.
   
   
2. Are you discounting the events because they are for women only? It’s strange but true; some women seem to only want to learn from men, like the pastor or elders. Discounting the wisdom of other women is not only arrogant; it also is sexist and disobedient to the commands in Titus 2 for women to teach and learn from each other.

If all the women who are interested in learning abandon women’s ministry, the result will be a spiritually shallow women’s ministry. Instead, be involved and make suggestions—take responsibility and work with your leaders to create a women’s ministry that embraces biblical depth, self-sacrificing service and a love of beauty. None of those aspects of godly womanhood need be eclipsed for another. We can have it all.

Women don’t talk about the Bible because they lack opportunity.
If you long for this kind of discussion, make opportunity for it. Part of the solution in my case was starting a reading/discussion group for women in our church. We have found that great topics for discussion don’t appear out of thin air. They are sparked by ideas­­­­—from the sermon you just heard, the missionary biography you just read or the Bible study you just shared.

All the one another passages in the Bible apply to our relationships with other women in the church. To teach, to admonish, to comfort or to encourage a sister usually requires talking about the Bible. And conversations about God and the Bible with other women are a joy. There is a depth of understanding between women that is different from conversations with men. I’ve cried over knotty biblical concepts with other women—I don’t know if men tangle their emotions with doctrine in quite the same way.

Are you one of the many women longing to talk about what God is doing in your life? If so, step up and start the conversation.

Copyright © 2012 Susan Verstraete.